Divorce and Separation ♡

So today I have a bit of a more serious post for you all (also this has been saved in my drafts for weeks and I completely forgot I had written it but here it is) but one that is very close to my heart. So, as I said in a previous post, I am going to start doing some advice posts every once in a while, but I thought I would start off by talking about divorce (and separation.) I'm going to talk about how it has affected me and answer some of your questions and advice about it.

Before I start, I just want to say: no I am not an expert on this subject, yes I have gone through this but this is about my experience and the advice I give is based on what I've been through. I am in no way an expert and I know that every family has different problems. Also, I apologize if I am a bit rambly in this post.

My Experience

So for me, it wasn't too bad and I know, like many things, there are different levels of it and no family is the same. My parents decided to divorce 7 years ago I believe, and I was 6. As I was quite young, I didn't really understand it very much so I didn't get too upset apparently, but my brother was devastated. But the thing my mum didn't know was what was going through my mind...

Before they decided to divorce, they would argue so much and no matter if I was with them, or I could hear from my bedroom, I was almost always trying to hold back the tears. One thing that did help me is having somebody there that is going through it too. If I was an only child I don't think I would've got through it. I don't really remember but I guess I was just pretending to everyone else that things were fine.

I tried to act like I was ok about it, but deep down I was broken. I didn't want to pick sides and I missed the happy family we used to be. I keep my parents wedding photo in my room because although it makes me sad, it puts a smile on my face to remember when they were a happy couple. Only about a year ago, I came to my senses and stopped having daydreams of my dad coming crying back to my mum with flowers, because I know that's not going to happen, but it's one of the toughest experiences you can go through. 

I know though, that for quite a few years before it actually happened, my parents stopped being happy together and were just trying to pretend for me and my brother, but I think at least now they are both happy.

It is difficult, whether you are at the beginning, just adjusting, or it's been like it for years, I do still have the occasional cry and it's not something that is quick to get over. You want to be the angel and make them happy again and you wish you had made the most of the happiness. People going through it are fragile, so if you have a friend or someone you know going through it, remember to be sensitive but don't treat them differently, because they want to act like everything's fine.

Now onto some questions...

How do you make the decision about which parent to live with?
Well, I don't really know, as my parents kind of decided for me, but if you are a bit older (as I was only around 6), then I would try and split the time. But the one thing you don't want to do is be living out of a suitcase, from house to house. I would recommend talking to your parents about it, and then maybe every other weekend staying at each parents house, so mum, dad, mum, dad, etc, but you would probably want to stay a few nights on weekdays too.

It really depends on the situation and family so you should definitely discuss it with your parents before making any big decisions about where to live.


If your parents are split up, but they still argue, how can you deal with it?

I have this problem too, but it's more parents bitching about each other to other people whilst I'm there. You need to talk to your parents about it and let them know that it's upsetting you, as they may just be hurt themselves so being a bit careless. If you sense an argument coming, I would recommend either going out of the room, or calming them down a bit and just change the subject.


So I hope this has helped some of you, if you want to see more advice posts, ask me questions in the comments or dm them to me, and I will save them all up and answer them in a post. But don't worry, your questions will be anonymous. If you ever need any urgent help, I am here for you all.
As I always used to say, keep smiling.
Ellie xoxo